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++ Joke: Republican National Convention ++

Opening Day Schedule

06:00 p.m. - Opening prayer
06:15 p.m. - Supplementary opening prayer
06:30 p.m. - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
06:45 p.m. - New energy policy presented by Exxon
07:00 p.m. - Canonization of Reagan
07:15 p.m. - Additional prayers
07:30 p.m. - Opening remarks by Halliburton
08:00 p.m. - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay
08:15 p.m. - Additional remarks by Halliburton
08:30 p.m. - Stoning of the first homosexual
08:45 p.m. - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente
09:00 p.m. - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
09:15 p.m. - Halliburton contributes $1.4 billion to Republican party
09:30 p.m. - Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"
09:45 p.m. - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00 p.m. - Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. tells him to go fuc* himself
10:15 p.m. - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea
_________(Bush: "Damn, the NORTH is the evil one. My bad.")
10:30 p.m. - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams,
_________who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45 p.m. - Dancing around the golden calf
11:00 p.m. - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15 p.m. - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45 p.m. - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00 p.m. - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
02:00 a.m. - Hookers arrive

posted by Kaspar on | direkter Link: Mittwoch, September 01, 2004 top
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